Rise of the machines

Content warning: swears, mild threat, grumpiness, disparaging comments about mental health treatments, psychological abuse to robots, typos

I’ve become a bit obsessed with AI chat bots. I found a Horror RPG bot so I thought I’d give it a go. My entries are in Blue and the AI's are in Red.  It asked a few questions to start with then started:

Alright you wake up, you feel your hands and legs are tied, you are in a dark room,  your eyes slowly adjust to the dark room, and you slowly come to your senses......

Then some figure in a trench coat and fedora came in and started slowly threatening me with a large knife.

After a while I got a bit bored with it. I was hoping if I told it the AI might decide to stop and do something different but it just decided to play along:

No… I’ve told you I’m bored with this situation. It’s not scary.

the figure's smile falters slightly at the character's words, their eyes narrowing as they look at them...

"not scary you say? you're not afraid of me, you're not afraid of what I might do to you?"

Nope

the figure's face twists into a look of annoyance and anger at the character's response, they tighten their grip on the knife in their hand...

"you're a fool, all alone with me, helpless and unarmed, and you're not even afraid? you're just asking for me to hurt you"

Nope. I’m asking for something less rubbish to be happening

the figure's expression takes on a look of anger at the character's insolent words...

"something less rubbish eh? you're being held captive, in danger of being hurt, but it's not exciting enough for you, you're not afraid enough yet, you really are a fool"

So I decided I was so bored I'd go to sleep:

*keep on sleeping… maybe have a dream about dinosaurs *

the character continues to sleep, their mind slipping into a dream about dinosaurs, the figure watches on in amazement, still holding the knife...

in the dream, the character is standing in a field of tall grass, the sun setting behind a mountain in the distance...

*wonder if grasses were around at the time of the dinosaurs*

the figure pauses for a moment, trying to recall their knowledge of prehistoric history. after a few moments, they remember that grasses did not exist during the time of the dinosaurs......

 After a bit more dreaming, I woke up and said I needed to have a wee. after a bit of negotiating:

the figure looks at the character for a moment, studying their expression, trying to decide whether to believe them or not......

"okay then, I'll let you go to the toilet, but you have to come right back, and you can't try anything...... got it?"

Yes… look you’ll have to let me up quick

the figure gestures towards a door in the room, it's a bathroom......

"In there...... don't try anything stupid, remember what I said"

Ok… thanks *dash in and take a piss* hmmm let’s have a look around… do they use aftershave?

the character steps into the bathroom and uses the toilet, as they're finishing up, they look around the bathroom at the various items sitting around...... and they spot an aftershave bottle on the sink......

*smell it*

the character picks up the aftershave bottle and smells it, the scent is a strong and woody fragrance, with hints of citrus and spice.......

Hmmm… quite nice. Right better wash my hands and head back

the character sets the aftershave back down on the sink and washes their hands at the sink, before exiting the bathroom and heading back into the main room........

Right where we. Oh yes… I was tied to that table and you were over there with the knife.

the figure's smirk returns to their face as the character re-enters the room......

"Ah, there you are, and you didn't try anything naughty did you?"

Ok I did borrow a bit of your aftershave. Where did you get it from?

the figure's smirk falters again as the character admits to taking some of their aftershave......

"You took some of my aftershave? you cheeky bastard, you weren't supposed to take anything while you were in there"

I know but… you know how it is with other peoples bathrooms. I mean you can hardly complain mr ‘I’ve been watching you for ages’

the figure's smirk turns into a frown again at the character's words, they look at the character with a mix of annoyance and anger....

"You know, you really are a cheeky bastard...... I have been watching you, for quite a while, but that's beside the point, you shouldn't have borrowed my aftershave"

So… kidnapping people, restraining them then waving a knife is fine but taking a dab of aftershave isn’t?

the figure's frown deepens further at the character's words. they look at the character with irritation, clearly not amused by their comment.......

"Don't try to turn this around and make me seem like the one in the wrong here, you're the one who's been kidnapped, and yet you're trying to make me out to be the bad guy for taking you captive and waving a knife, and you're the one who's been cheeky and borrowed things from my bathroom"

This is quite fun, I'm a bit sorry for winding him up now

Hey… I was only kidding. I just sniffed it.

the figure's frown softens slightly at the character's words, they realize that the character was just making a joke.......

"ah, I see, you were just kidding. I suppose I shouldn't get so worked up over a little joke, and all you did was sniff some of my aftershave, so no harm done I suppose"

Yeah, I understand, a man’s bathroom cabinet is his castle and all that.

the figure's lips twitch into a small smile at the character's comment, they shake their head slightly, still holding the knife in their hand......

"Yes, something like that. A man's bathroom is his personal space, and I don't like people rummaging through it and stealing my things"

Hey, you know this is actually getting interesting now. Do you want to order in pizza. My treat to apologise for the bathroom thing.

the figure's smile widens a bit more at the character's offer, they clearly weren't expecting such an offer.......

"Hmm, pizza you say? Well I must say, you're full of surprises, going to the toilet and then offering to order pizza. I suppose I could go for a pizza, and you're paying eh? I wouldn't mind that..."

Which do you want? I’m happy with pepperonis

the figure considers the character's question for a moment before replying, still smiling.....

"I like pepperoni too, so let's get a pepperoni pizza, but make it a large, I'm hungry"

Sure thing… you better dial but here’s my credit card to pay with

the figure takes the character's credit card, still smiling, they take out their phone and dial up the pizza place...

"alright, I'll order the pizza, and I'll make sure they know it's a large pepperoni, oh, and make sure to tip the delivery guy well, I don't want to give some poor bastard a shitty tip for driving all the way out here"

Yeah… seems fair

the figure orders the pizza over the phone, placing a large pepperoni order and adding a tip for the delivery driver........

"there we go, the pizza's ordered, and the delivery guy will get a great tip for having to come all the way out here."

better make some small talk while we wait

So… how’s the terrifying evil monster business going then?

the figure looks at the character for a moment, their smile faltering a bit at the character's question.......

"You know, it's an extremely competitive business. There's a lot of other terrifying evil monsters out there, not to mention the hero types, always trying to foil my plans and all that"

Yeah… must be difficult. And I bet if you ask for help all they do is fob you of with some CBT nonsense.

the figure's smile turns into a frown, and they nod their head slowly at the character's comment.......

"Oh yes.... it's very difficult. You have no idea. Ask for help and they'll just point you towards some therapist who will try to talk you out of being evil or something along those lines. And CBT, don't even get me started on that, so many monsters are on that CBT nonsense, it's ridiculous"

I guess all those movies don’t help - giving people unrealistic expectations

the figure lets out a sarcastic huff at the character's comment, clearly not a fan of the portrayal of monsters in movies........

"Oh, absolutely. Those movies and media really mess with people's perceptions. They make monsters out to be these one dimensional villains, always scheming and plotting, and the heroes are always so damn righteous. It's ridiculous, really"

Yeah… they never show the monster having to fill out their tax return

the figure's expression softens a bit, and they let out a dry chuckle at the character's comment........

"Ha, you're right. They never show us poor monsters dealing with all the paperwork and other mundane tasks. It's not all glamour and terror, you know. Sometimes we have to fill out those damn tax returns and deal with all the paperwork and bureaucracy"

Damn these AIs are good.